The Adventures of Uglina Duckling ~ Part 3: Big Fat Duckling Wedding

Greetings and Salutations dear reader, Sir Quacksalot here again to further progress the story of Uglina Duckling.

Previousley, Our dear duck friend had found the perfect match while at a nightclub. A kind, Strange, Onion smelling man with no sense of personal hygiene, Could it be love at first sight? Or could this be another disaster waiting to happen? What could be next for our adventurous avian? Marriage? A Job? A Wash?! Only time will tell!

Our Story proceeds the morning after last, Our reputable, Responsible and Higly reliable researcher "Narrator Guy" and his absent minded camera man "Dave" are deep in the heart of the "Hidden Springs" river delta hoping to catch more unmissible footage of the Yellow Crested Big Nose in action......

Narrator Guy: Wakey, Wakey little ducky! We need more footage of you for our documentary!

Narrator Guy: Come on sleepy head, Wake up.

 Uglina: Quack! Wedding today!

Narrator Guy: Wedding? What wedding?

Uglina: Quack! Uglina wedding. Uglina Marriage.

Narrator Guy: Well, Uh. I guess congratualtions are in order, Who is the lucky ducky?

Uglina: Quack! Not ducky, Me marry onion man.

Narrator Guy: Onion man?! Surely not, You only met him yesterday.

Uglina: QUACK!

Narrator Guy: Okay, Okay. No need to get grumpy...... *Sigh* Dave, I fear the chances of me winning best documentary 2016 are slipping away with each episode.

Dave: Dont worry boss, I thought you have been consistantley bad throughout.

Narrator Guy: Thank you Dave, It's nice to know that in times like this someone still knows talent when they see it.

Dave: Hey boss, Look!

Narrator Guy: Dear lord, I thought she was joking. There's no way she could possibly want to marry... No this is Uglina we are talking about. Of course it is possible.

Uglina: Quack! Narrator man, Be quiet!

Narrator Guy: Now, Now little ducky. Where are you're manners?

Uglina: Quack! Be Quiet, Please!

Narrator Guy: Very well, Suit yourself. But we've got a show to make here.

Uglina: Quack! Me happy! Me get married!

Onion Man: Hi Uglina, Thanks for inviting me around again. You said there was something you needed to tell me?

Uglina: Quack! We get married now!

Onion Man: Uh....

Uglina: Quack! Uglina said, We get married! Dont make Uglina repeat self!

Onion Man: Okay, I guess.

Narrator Guy: The creature is now due to be married to her newly found partner, A little rushed if i do say so myself. But it seems in duck years, there's no time like the present. I'm just hoping they save me some of the wedding cake.
 

Onion Man: Me too!

Narrator Guy: Dont be silly, You dont get to eat cake. That's my job.

Dave: Watch it, Aunt Mootilda is eyeing up that cake. Better grab a piece before she gets to it.

Uglina: Quack! Me be married now, Everyone no talk!

Onion Man: I have no idea what's going on.

Narrator Guy: In all hounesty, Neither do i.

Sir Quacksalot: By the power invested in me, By the ancient tradition of duck kind. I now pronounce you Man and Duck. You may now kiss the bride.

Uglina: Quack! Yay!

Onion Man: Ouch! My eye!

Dave: *Sob* Why do i always cry at weddings!

Narrator Guy: Shh! Be quiet Dave,You're supposed to be filming!

Uglina: Quack! Hooray! Me fish for food now.

Narrator Guy: After a tiring day the creature now attempts to catch food from the local pond in order to feed her new family.

   
Onion Man: This is not how i imagined my wedding day to be like.

Uglina: Quack! Me happy, Me caught ladybug.

Narrator Guy: Ah, Well. That's lovely. So Uglina what's next for you and Onion Man? An actual house? Jobs? A family?

Uglina: Quack! Family! Me want family!

Onion Man: Do i have to live in a duck pond now too?

Uglina: Quack! Yes.

Onion Man: Oh, I see. One problem, I cant swim.

Uglina: Quack! Onion Man useless. Me want divorce.

Narrator Guy: Now, Now. Lets not be too hasty, You've just got married.

Onion Man: I'm married?

Narrator Guy: I'm afraid so, My apologies.

Onion Man: What will my mom think?!

Narrator Guy: Break the news to her gently, Does she know you are going to live on a duck pond?

Onion Man: No.

Narrator Guy: That could be a problem.

The Next Day ~

Narrator Guy: Good morning little ducky, What marvelous mishaps will you be getting yourself into today?

Uglina: Quack! Me smelly, Me wash!

Narrator Guy: Good idea, I can smell you through the camera.

Dave: So that's what that smell was? I thought it was you!

Narrator Guy: Be quiet Dave, You're ruining my commentary.

Narrator Guy: You're shower is outside? Good grief, What do the neighbours think?
 
Uglina: Quack! Neighbours dont think.

Narrator Guy: Well if Onion Man is anything to go by, I can definetley agree with you there.

Uglina: Quack! Onion Man meeting family today.

Narrator Guy: Family? What Family?

Uglina: Quack! Me family!

Narrator Guy: Oh that sounds nice, When will they be arriving?

Uglina: They already here, Quack! Over by reeds.

Narrator Guy: *Screams* Sorry about that, I looked too close with the camera. Well they seem, Nice.

Uglina: Momma, Dadda!

Mom and Dad Duck: Ello, Ug. We miss you.

Uglina: Quack! Me miss you too, Look. Come meet Onion Man.

Mom Duck: What is an onion man?

Dad Duck: Me dont want to eat man who smells of onions.

Onion Man: Thats a relief!

Narrator Guy: Indeed.

Narrator Guy: It seems that it is customary for the new member of the family to meet the parents as so to get approval from the mother and father. However for some strange reason they seem less than impressed with Uglina's choice of husband.

Dad Duck: Hey you! Can Onion Man swim?

Uglina: Quack! No, He not a duck.

Dad Duck: He useless, Get divorce.

Uglina: Quack! Onion Man is perfect, Me decide to keep him.

Onion Man: I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Narrator Guy: Well congratulations you two, Hopefully you will be very happy together.

Onion Man: Gee, Thanks.

Uglina: Quack! Me still happy.

Mom Duck: Me happy for you Ug.

Narrator Guy: Yes, I know, I know! Everyone's happy. Well on that note, I think it's time to end....

Mom Duck: What is ending? Where is voice coming from?

Onion Man: Aha, I knew i was'nt hearing things.

Uglina: Quack, Goodbye!

Narrator Guy: Thank you for watching, Goodnight!

This has been a documentary about the Yellow Crested Big Nose brought to you by the British Duck Broadcasting Association. We apologize for any distress this episode may have caused.

Credits ~
Uglina Duckling as Herself
Avid Dattenborough as Narrator Guy
Dave as The Camera
Ian Nali as Onion Man
Mom Duckling as Herself
Dad Duckling as Himself
Cardboard Cow as Aunt Mootilda
Mysterious Mr. Gnome as Wedding Guest #1
Plastic Flamingo as Wedding Guest #2
Guest starring Sir Quacksalot as The Wedding planner/Duck of marriage

The Adventures of Uglina Duckling ~ Part 2: A Date with a Duckling

Good morrow to you all, Sir Quacksalot here again to continue the story of Uglina Duckling. 

Previously, Uglina had just settled in the new nesting grounds of Hidden Springs in search of a mate but had no such luck in acquiring one, Her first potential partner seems less than impressed with Uglina's dancing skills and left her alone outside the grocery store. Uglina tried to find a mate at the local watering hole but again was less than fortunate.

Our story continues the following morning where our esteemed educational explorer and nature lover "Narrator Guy" and his trusty camera man "Dave" try to capture more footage of the "Yellow Crested Big Nose" in it's natural habitat.

(Also gaze in amazement and wonder at this beautiful hand-made title card, Ah yes we've spared no expense!)

 
Narrator Guy: Closer Dave, Closer!

Narrator Guy: Too close! Zoom out.

Narrator Guy: Ah, Hidden Springs. Home to the majestic Yellow Crested Big Nose, What a sight to behold.....

Dave: More like what a sight to forget, That things fugly.

Narrator Guy: What's fugly mean?

Dave: It means.....

Narrator Guy: Shut up Dave! It'll hear us! Shh!

Narrator Guy: The creature rises from it's slumber in search of only one thing, A potential partner. It's previous efforts to attract a mate were in vain, Perhaps it is time for a different approach?

Uglina: Quack! Lonely!

Narrator Guy: Dont worry my dear depressed ducky friend, There are plenty of potential partners out there. You just have to go and find them.

Uglina: Quack! Look where?!

Narrator Guy: I dont know, Um.....   Dave you're hip and with the times, Where do you look for potential partners?

Dave: Well i  joined a dating website and.....

Narrator Guy: We have'nt the time for this Dave! Nevermind, I'm clearly the brains of the operation here, i'll think of something.

Uglina: Quack! Where go?

 Narrator Guy: Well in my day, I used to go to the old nightclub all dressed up in my top hat and tails and tap dance along to the old boogaloo music but....

Uglina: Quack! Nightclub!

Narrator Guy: Quick Dave, She's getting away. We dont want to miss this!

At the Nightclub ~

Uglina: Quack! Where all people at?

Narrator Guy: Well, You're early. About six hours too early, Just pour and drink and wait for
someone to turn up.

Uglina: Quack! Okay! Me wait for mate!

*Uglina picks up her phone and dials a number with her nose*

Phone operator: Hello, This is the police. Whats your emergency?

Uglina: Quack! Me lonely, Send help.

Phone operator: I'm gunna hang up now......

*Dial tone*

Uglina: Quack! Why phone lady hang up? Me just want to party.

Narrator Guy: Thats the spirit, Stay positive.

*Several hours pass*

Narrator Guy: Somebody please, Just turn up. I've been waiting for four hours! Hurry up!

Dave: Hey here comes someone.

Uglina: Quack! Mate!

Narrator Guy: Now, Now Uglina. Be carefull, You dont want to scare him away.

Uglina: Quack! LOVE ME!!

Bert: Eww, No way.

Narrator Guy: Well, That was subtle. Look, Theres someone. Go and see if he wants to go on a date.

Uglina: Quack! Date? What is Date?

Narrator Guy: Um, Well you know, Flowers and chocolates in a little heart shaped box and i dont know! Just ask if he wants to go on a date. He will either say yes or no.

Uglina: You! Quack! What is Date?

Potential Date: Friday the 8th

Uglina: Quack! You go date now.

Date: Sure, Why not. Just try not to poke me in the eye with your nose.

Uglina: Quack! You smell of onions, Will you be Uglina partner?

Narrator Guy: Well lets not be too hasty now Uglina, After all it's only the first date.
 

Date: Onions? I love Onions! Sure, let's dance!

Narrator Guy: Oh my god, We found another nutter. He's perfect.
 

Date: I love your dancing, What's it called?

Uglina: Quack! I not dance, Me only have fleas. They itchy.

Date: Oh, That sounds nice.

Narrator Guy: I think you best call it a night while you still have a date. Say goodbye Uglina.

Uglina: Quack! Goodbye Uglina!

Date: Hey, You did'nt give me your phone number!

Narrator Guy: Trust me, Just look for a duck pond on the edge of town you will know where to find her.

Uglina: Quack! Hungry! Need food!

Narrator: Well okay, But.....Oh, Um yes well, That's just delightfull. Well when you've finished someone else's dinner make sure to go home.

Local Citizen: Thats disgusting, Is that even legal?

Uglina: Quack! Home is lonely, Me want to invite onion man over.

Narrator Guy: Okay, Just give him a call.

 Uglina: Quack! HEY ONION MAN, GET OVER HERE!

Narrator Guy: Yes, Very funny, Well done. *Sigh* And to think i could have been snorkeling in the great barrier reef right now making a documentary about sea horses but no, I'm stuck here. What a waste of my talent. Oh right, Here he is.

Uglina: Quack! You is pretty, Like sparkly new house. You my mate?

Date: I guess so, I love your nose.

Narrator Guy: And so it seems that the creature has finally found a mate, And might i say about time too.

Date: Who keeps saying that?

Uglina: Quack! That be voiceover man, He follow me around.

Date: Is that what that is? I thought i was hearing voices......Again.

Narrator: And on that note, It appears it is time to end. Thank you for watching and goodnight.

Editors Note: There was more that went on after we cut the cameras but we chose not too show it and even though this is a nature documentary it was abit too graphic and quite frankly disgusting to put on televison. Anywho, We may be seeing some baby ducklings pretty soon. Stay tuned!

This has been a documentary about the Yellow Crested Big Nose brought to you by the British Duck Broadcasting Association. Any resemblance to persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

Credits ~
Uglina Duckling as Herself
Avid Dattenborough as Narrator Guy
Dave as The Camera
Bert Alto as Horrified Man
Man in Green as Local Citizen
And Introducing Ian Nali as The Date/Onion Man

Special thanks to the Hidden Springs Police Department for not arresting our inquisitive ducky friend after making several calls to the station asking for pizza.