Previously, Uglina had just settled in the new nesting grounds of Hidden Springs in search of a mate but had no such luck in acquiring one, Her first potential partner seems less than impressed with Uglina's dancing skills and left her alone outside the grocery store. Uglina tried to find a mate at the local watering hole but again was less than fortunate.
Our story continues the following morning where our esteemed educational explorer and nature lover "Narrator Guy" and his trusty camera man "Dave" try to capture more footage of the "Yellow Crested Big Nose" in it's natural habitat.
(Also gaze in amazement and wonder at this beautiful hand-made title card, Ah yes we've spared no expense!)
Narrator Guy: Closer Dave, Closer!
Narrator Guy: Too close! Zoom out.
Narrator Guy: Ah, Hidden Springs. Home to the majestic Yellow Crested Big Nose, What a sight to behold.....
Dave: More like what a sight to forget, That things fugly.
Narrator Guy: What's fugly mean?
Dave: It means.....
Narrator Guy: Shut up Dave! It'll hear us! Shh!
Narrator Guy: The creature rises from it's slumber in search of only one thing, A potential partner. It's previous efforts to attract a mate were in vain, Perhaps it is time for a different approach?
Uglina: Quack! Lonely!
Narrator Guy: Dont worry my dear depressed ducky friend, There are plenty of potential partners out there. You just have to go and find them.
Uglina: Quack! Look where?!
Narrator Guy: I dont know, Um..... Dave you're hip and with the times, Where do you look for potential partners?
Dave: Well i joined a dating website and.....
Narrator Guy: We have'nt the time for this Dave! Nevermind, I'm clearly the brains of the operation here, i'll think of something.
Uglina: Quack! Where go?
Narrator Guy: Well in my day, I used to go to the old nightclub all dressed up in my top hat and tails and tap dance along to the old boogaloo music but....
Uglina: Quack! Nightclub!
Narrator Guy: Quick Dave, She's getting away. We dont want to miss this!
At the Nightclub ~
Uglina: Quack! Where all people at?
Narrator Guy: Well, You're early. About six hours too early, Just pour and drink and wait for
someone to turn up.
Uglina: Quack! Okay! Me wait for mate!
*Uglina picks up her phone and dials a number with her nose*
Phone operator: Hello, This is the police. Whats your emergency?
Uglina: Quack! Me lonely, Send help.
Phone operator: I'm gunna hang up now......
*Dial tone*
Uglina: Quack! Why phone lady hang up? Me just want to party.
Narrator Guy: Thats the spirit, Stay positive.
*Several hours pass*
Narrator Guy: Somebody please, Just turn up. I've been waiting for four hours! Hurry up!
Dave: Hey here comes someone.
Uglina: Quack! Mate!
Narrator Guy: Now, Now Uglina. Be carefull, You dont want to scare him away.
Uglina: Quack! LOVE ME!!
Bert: Eww, No way.
Narrator Guy: Well, That was subtle. Look, Theres someone. Go and see if he wants to go on a date.
Uglina: Quack! Date? What is Date?
Narrator Guy: Um, Well you know, Flowers and chocolates in a little heart shaped box and i dont know! Just ask if he wants to go on a date. He will either say yes or no.
Uglina: You! Quack! What is Date?
Potential Date: Friday the 8th
Uglina: Quack! You go date now.
Date: Sure, Why not. Just try not to poke me in the eye with your nose.
Uglina: Quack! You smell of onions, Will you be Uglina partner?
Narrator Guy: Well lets not be too hasty now Uglina, After all it's only the first date.
Date: Onions? I love Onions! Sure, let's dance!
Narrator Guy: Oh my god, We found another nutter. He's perfect.
Date: I love your dancing, What's it called?
Uglina: Quack! I not dance, Me only have fleas. They itchy.
Date: Oh, That sounds nice.
Narrator Guy: I think you best call it a night while you still have a date. Say goodbye Uglina.
Uglina: Quack! Goodbye Uglina!
Date: Hey, You did'nt give me your phone number!
Narrator Guy: Trust me, Just look for a duck pond on the edge of town you will know where to find her.
Uglina: Quack! Hungry! Need food!
Narrator: Well okay, But.....Oh, Um yes well, That's just delightfull. Well when you've finished someone else's dinner make sure to go home.
Local Citizen: Thats disgusting, Is that even legal?
Uglina: Quack! Home is lonely, Me want to invite onion man over.
Narrator Guy: Okay, Just give him a call.
Uglina: Quack! HEY ONION MAN, GET OVER HERE!
Narrator Guy: Yes, Very funny, Well done. *Sigh* And to think i could have been snorkeling in the great barrier reef right now making a documentary about sea horses but no, I'm stuck here. What a waste of my talent. Oh right, Here he is.
Uglina: Quack! You is pretty, Like sparkly new house. You my mate?
Date: I guess so, I love your nose.
Narrator Guy: And so it seems that the creature has finally found a mate, And might i say about time too.
Date: Who keeps saying that?
Uglina: Quack! That be voiceover man, He follow me around.
Date: Is that what that is? I thought i was hearing voices......Again.
Narrator: And on that note, It appears it is time to end. Thank you for watching and goodnight.
Editors Note: There was more that went on after we cut the cameras but we chose not too show it and even though this is a nature documentary it was abit too graphic and quite frankly disgusting to put on televison. Anywho, We may be seeing some baby ducklings pretty soon. Stay tuned!
This has been a documentary about the Yellow Crested Big Nose brought to you by the British Duck Broadcasting Association. Any resemblance to persons living or dead are purely coincidental.
Credits ~
Uglina Duckling as Herself
Avid Dattenborough as Narrator Guy
Dave as The Camera
Bert Alto as Horrified Man
Man in Green as Local Citizen
And Introducing Ian Nali as The Date/Onion Man
Special thanks to the Hidden Springs Police Department for not arresting our inquisitive ducky friend after making several calls to the station asking for pizza.
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